The False Sense of Security That Comes From Emotional Attachment.
Attachment can be thought of as ‘an adhesion, ‘an affixation’, or ‘a fastening’. All of which hint at getting stuck by forming a dependency on something outside of ourselves.
Like grabbing for a safety pin when the elastic in the waist of our workout pants suddenly breaks. From a brief moment of panic rummaging through our bag desperately hoping we will find that wonderful implement. To a sense of calm when we do, and pin folds of the waistband together so our pants are tight enough to stay up.
The need for the pin to do its job and not suddenly fly open, is paramount to sparing our embarrassment and getting home without anymore mishaps. And that very welcome sigh of relief as we walk through the door and can change into a more reliable pair.
Using the safety pin as an attachment is a good thing.
Emotional attachment however is where we ‘pin’ our hopes on someone or something else.
When we become emotionally attached it means we creating a false sense of security by tieing ourself to people, or our habits, beliefs and even to possessions. to secure our self worth. Our freedom of self expression is restricted when attached to possessions e the attcahmentto be ourself. And when we lose something to which we have become attached, you feel bad and become unhappy.
So why do we get stuck to unhealthy feelings, thoughts or emotions?
Let me share with you my attachment to loneliness and how that played out on my teens and the comfort it gave me, or so I thought.
Using emotional attachment as a fastening. In my case it took the form of a limpet.
Growing up feeling extremely lonely all through my teens I used emotional attachment to help me feel safe and liked. I acted like a limpet, attaching to anyone who showed me any kind of attention, good or bad. And that’s where it went wrong for me, I accepted unkind behaviour, disrespect, and bullying thinking that was better than being completely alone.
I was prepared to be treated badly rather than allow myself to feel the deep loneliness that swarmed around inside virtually non-stop which propelled me to harm myself this way. My outer shell was strong but inside I was scared, very scared of not being accepted for who I was.
My fear of loneliness and separation became my comfort zone, in that I used it unconsciously to make myself feel better by constantly adjusting to fit in with others around me even though at times I hated myself for doing it. I allowed my emotional attachment to loneliness to dictate my teenage years.
At a very dark point in my life at 20 when my heart was broken and suicidal thoughts filled my mind, I met my soul. I always knew it was there I had felt really strongly in my childhood years but I lost contact with it at 12 when loneliness suddenly took its place. But now it was there prompting me to ask for its help and guidance. Which I did most gratefully.
Soul blending with human self.
That is until we experience fear.
Angela’s fear of love and her ongoing battle with the emotional attachment of being seen.
Angela craved for love but found herself constantly rejecting love whenever it showed up.
She just ran every time she tried to open up and show affection from her heart and not through her ego. She could hear the negative thoughts telling her this was not a safe thing to do. She realised her ego was trying to keep her safe but she desperately wanted to express herself feeling emotionally safe and for once and for all come to peace with her fears of being loved.
Angela’s soul showed me the root cause of why she was always afraid, and why she was so was undecided about loving and had a deep mistrust of love.
The relationship with her mother was less than nurturing, warm and supportive. It came with many conditions, mainly it dictated who Angela had to be and who she could not be. The constant judgement went deep crippling any hope of Angela developing any real sense of self belief and self worth. She grew up feeling very unworthy and unlovable. The sharpness of her mothers criticism fragmented the connection with her soul in so many places. The energetic threads between her soul self and her human self had become very tangled which explained why the constant battle of wanting and rejecting love. Her emotions were in full swing jumping back and forth when trying to display love.
Her fear was at its most worst and most destructive when she attempted to share her thoughts and feelings. She told me that she felt like she was under the spotlight, fully exposed with nowhere to hide. Angela was so scared that men would hate her when they got to know her better, so yet another reason to stay safe and run before a relationship had any real chance of developing.
The need for her fears to once again make her feel safe, was more inviting than being in a relationship she so desperately wanted.
That emotional response established in her childhood, imprinted in her cellular memory, played up in the adult Angela wanting love and then running from love.
Emotional attachment has its roots in many places.
To be free to love and be loved, to attract the love you want it, in the way you want and where your beautiful unique identity is strong and respected, recognise and acknowledge what you have become attached to that is choking your chances of a fulfilling and enriching relationship with yourself and your significant other. The following short list can help get you started.
1. Do you look to others to make me happy?
2. Do you often say to your partner, “I am happy if you are happy?’
3. Do you use arguments as a way of getting your own way or helping you to feel in control?
4. Do you keep attracting the wrong men who let you down, or don’t show up after the first date, or take advantage of your generosity?
5. Do you feel you are keeping part of yourself back (safe) when being intimate?
6. Do you check up on your partner, like their social media, phone, email?
7. Are you easily put off by others opinions when pursuing your dreams?
8. Do you easily communicate your healthy needs, desires and wants or tip toe around the subject wary of the response you may receive?
9. Do you find yourself a people pleaser, constantly trying the maintain the peace and keep others happy?
10. How do you feel inside when you really connect through feeling/imagining your ideal love relationship? Hearing negative thoughts jumping in? Feeling any doubt? What do you honestly feel in your body?