Anger is the unannounced visitor that keeps dropping by, again and again. We get angry at our partners, our children, the man at the dry cleaner’s, the woman cutting us off on the motorway, our boss who just doesn’t understand, the neighbours’ dogs for barking too much. We get angry, but we rarely understand why.
Some of us hide, hoping this troublesome guest will go away. Others let it take over, which just leaves us even angrier, without friends, where we feel isolated, alone and misunderstood.
However, there is another way. We can make friends with our anger and try to understand what makes it tick; where it comes from and why it erupts. By so doing, we create an opportunity to learn about ourselves, and so make real, lasting changes in all of our relationships.
Anger a powerful emotion:
Anger is one of the most powerful emotions, and deemed to be one of the most difficult to deal with. It’s also probably the least understood. But for me anger is highlighting a deeper issue of hurt or pain or even trauma that is still unresolved. I have come to understand in the work that I do in healing relationships that it is the underlying issue that is difficult for many of us to deal with.
Rather than working with the anger we push it down even deeper. We have got so used to burying the pain and unconsciously making excuses as to why we feel the way that we do, which not only intensifies the hidden pain but also forms behaviours that are not a true reflection of who we are. But one day it will surface and cause us further hurt and damage, even destroy our relationships, especially the one that we have with our self, as well as our health and our job.
Buried emotions will show themselves eventually in some form or another and that is because of who we are. We are souls expressing our self through the human journey and as such we will find avenues in which to release inner pain and suffering. As souls we have a wonderful gift to express the love of Creation through each one of us. Our souls are continually growing and expanding our awareness and in that growth, negative thoughts, beliefs and behaviours will come to our attention as our inner (soul) light throws a bright light upon our inner dysfunction.
When you next get angry or feel it surfacing embrace it; make friends with it and let it show you what the real issue is. Find out what beliefs are fuelling the emotion and holding its roots firmly in place in your subconscious. “Maybe you grew up in a household with angry parents, where anger was the norm of expression
When we venture inward and investigate our inner story, the anger can just dissolve. By inquiring within we can find new ways to transform and heal our anger.
- By going into the emotion, allowing ourselves to connect with, and feel the feeling we can help it to dissolve. A part of us wants to be heard, so it is up to us to listen and to become more aware. Listening to the emotion and focusing our mind only on the emotion, we can sense the thoughts coming from the anger, and so we able to uncover more of the issue. Further more, writing down those thoughts, assists us in building inner trust whereby we get to know our self a whole lot more. Gaining clarity diminishes any fear of the anger so it loses its grip over our behaviours. Inner wisdom also gives us choice to heal.
- Beliefs that trigger the anger. By looking at our beliefs around our anger can be both surprising and very enlightening. Seeing what thought patterns are holding the anger in place presents us with even more choice. We get to clean up negative thinking and any beliefs built on judgement.
As a brief example: Take a mother who is constantly yelling at her child to pick up their clothes and finding herself getting very angry in the process. By going into the feeling of the anger and connecting with it, the mother may well find that below the anger sits a real sense of feeling isolated, alone, not being listened to or she may hear the distant echo of her mother’s voice yelling at her when very young. She may also uncover beliefs around the anger such as, “children must be controlled, kept in check”, “children must be punished”, “my life would be happier if the people I lived with weren’t so messy”, “if I don’t keep the house tidy my husband will be angry with me”.
Maybe her relationship isn’t how she had hoped it to be and is afraid to express her true feelings.
Until we go within we will be none the wiser and we deny our self the opportunity for healthy change.
Anger definitely separates us from ourselves. The soul has shown me that many gaps exist within us, and that these spaces are as a result of painful emotions that have not been released. Those emotions, formed as a result through fear and trauma are like a weed whose roots are firmly embedded in our physical body as well as in our mind.
So by tracing the origin of the emotion, as in this case, anger, we can both uncover the root cause and take action as to how and when we want to heal the underlying cause. All these weeds that are choking our ability to be happy, fulfilled and content, can be rooted out and dissolved for good.
The process of discovery does not have to be a traumatic experience when you venture inward. Just take your time. Be kind to yourself and know that you are uncovering the absolute wonder of who you are. Your magnificent self is in there!
Know too that you are a real gift to our world.
